Care

Inviting a Student to Talk

Setting: try for one-on-one whenever possible

Tone: casual, concerned, open, curious 

Phrases that can help:  

• I’ve noticed... Give examples of what you’ve noticed like: You’ve missed a lot of class lately, you’re falling asleep in class, you’re last few exams have gone differently.
• I’m concerned about... refer to the specific statement, behavior 
• Give them the option to talk: Is this something you want to talk about?
• If not, gently let them know there are lots of kinds of support that you can help them connect with if they want. 

Responding to a Student

Setting: suggest meeting one-on-one whenever possible

Tone: calm, reflective, validating, collaborative

Goal: encourage help-seeking or choose a next step together

When a student shares something difficult or vulnerable, acknowledge that. Tell them something like, “Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I know that was probably hard to do.” This can make a big difference in how seen, heard, and validated someone feels. 

Ask how you can support them in this moment. Sometimes we think we know what’s best for someone, but most of the time we don’t. Try questions like: 

• Do you want me to listen?  
• Are you looking for feedback or solutions?
• Can I help you find resources/

Responding with compassion when you're concerned about suicide:

If the thought enters your mind at all that a student may be suicidal, having suicidal thoughts, or at risk for suicide, ask them: “Are you thinking about suicide?”  

This is probably the part of the conversation that will be most uncomfortable to you. Don’t let that stop you. Ask anyway because this is also one of the most important parts of this conversation.  

Counselor tip: Practice saying, “Are you thinking about suicide?” out loud. Choose a friend or another family member to roleplay with and take turns asking the question.   

How faculty and staff can play a role in suicide prevention.

Responding with compassion when you're concerned about drugs or alcohol:

If you're concerned that someone's using drugs but you don't know, it's okay to ask, "Are you using any drugs?" Try to approach this without assuming that they are using drugs or how much they may be using. Avoid judgment, lectures, or labels like "addict" during this conversation.

How to start a conversation about addiction.

Responding with compassion when you're concerned about relationship violence or abuse:

Let your student know you are there to help them get support. Try to follow their lead - ask them how they feel things are going or what they're thinking of doing about any relationship concerns they may have. 

If your student is open to help, connect them with support like Survivor Support Services. 

Ways faculty and staff can fight sexual violence on campus.

Whatever a student's going through, you don’t have to help them through it alone. Encourage them to get support, whether that’s from the family, friends, a mental health professional, etc.  Take a collaborative approach with your student and offer to come up with a plan for their next steps together.

Counselor tip: Offer to go with them, ask who is a supportive person in their life that could go with them, schedule a time to follow up and check in on how it went